Mara Looks Back

WOW! He's good....Randy pretty much nailed everything. It's been a long road and we still have a long way to go. Last night, we found out that the wait time has been extended to 21 months. It takes your breath away when you realize that when we began this journey, (officially on May 9th, 2006), the wait time was 13-14 months. When I look back at the journal that I am writing to our little girl, I even mentioned that maybe we will meet in February 2007. HA! Guess I was a little off. It does make me wonder how much higher that 21 month wait will climb...I always thought this would be the last summer before the fun really begins!

I know that there is a master plan and that I just need to have faith and patience. Sometimes it's easy, other times it's hard. This has been a hard month for me. It was easy to push away the long wait times while I was at school, but now that summer has begun and my schedule and mind are free, it's torture!

So, I channel my energy in other ways. I am taking 2 courses this summer, just for the fun of it. Now that I have completed my Master's Degree, the idea of taking another course should seem crazy, but I can't wait! I have been reading tons....Somehow it feels therapeutic to be immersed in anything Asian and related to adoption. Here are some of my latest reads:

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See
The Bonesetter's Daughter by Amy Tan
Mao's Last Dancer by Li Cunxin (thank you Shelly!)
The Teahouse Fire by Ellis Avery (I only enjoyed the 1st half)
From China with Love by Emily Buchanan
A Passage to the Heart-writings from families with children from China by Amy Klatzkin Wanting a Daughter, Needing a Son by Kay Ann Johnson

Lauren, my college roommate and our daughter's future Godmother, and I have reestablished our phone book club and we are re-reading The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver. It is neat to read it chapter by chapter and then discuss our thoughts. She is an amazing friend!

A co-worker of mine is leaving for China later this month to meet her daughter, Caitlin. I have become addicted to their blog to see their daily progression towards becoming parents. It's amazing how long you wait and then BAM! They have spent the past month since receiving their referral, running around getting prepped for the trip. How exciting!!!

Wouldn't it be great if we could fast forward our journey just like TIVO????

Randy Looks Back

Our journey pretty much started like everyone else's. We came to that point in our marriage when we both had this longing for a child. We went the traditional route, but as the months (and now years) passed by with no results, we thought maybe we should speak with a fertility specialist. My part was easy...one test and everything was fine. Then came Mara's part...not so easy. Our schedules were completely turned over to Shady Grove and the unending tests. Mara had appointments sometimes at 7:00 a.m. on our way to school, appointments several days in a row, appointments on Sunday mornings in Rockville, MD. It was so unpredictable, impersonal, and scientific. Then, Mara began taking fertility medications that gave her hot flashes and made her nauseous. After six months, they stopped prescribing the medication. Added to this was the invasive treatments and examinations. After seeing my wife's tears on our last visit to the fertility center, I knew this was taking a toll on Mara's well-being.

We had discussed adoption long before. We had always said we would birth our first baby but adopt our second. So, the adoption discussion came naturally. We are friends with a family who adopted a little girl from China about 8 years ago. Sharing with this family, learning about Chinese culture and history, and the opportunity to visit China were all factors in our decision to choose international adoption. I'll spare you the details of what life is like in China for little girls. However, I do suggest you do some research. I'm sure you will be as heart-broken as we were when you do. We contacted Holt International Children's Services. Mr. and Mrs. Holt were the founders of international adoption. (Read Bring My Sons From Afar by Bertha Holt.) I highly recommend the agency. We quickly completed our application, and we were accepted on May 9th, 2006.

Then, the real work began. We had multitudes of paperwork to complete, to have notarized, certified, and authenticated. This means we not only went through our local government with each form, but also to our state capitol and various federal agencies. Although tedious to gather, some of the data collection was easier than others, (i.e original birth certificates and marriage certificate with numerous notarized copies, photos of the exterior and interior of our home, medical exams, blood work, references, our biographies and biographies of our families and upbringing). Then came the fingerprints taken locally followed by another round of fingerprints through the Department of Homeland Security. The DHS unfortunately sent us to Charleston, WV which was an 11 hour round-trip. Our appointment was 8 a.m. We had to drive down a day early and stay in a hotel in order to be there on time. Two weeks later, we received a letter saying my fingerprints "didn't take" and we would have to return to Charleston the following Wednesday at 8:00 a.m. Unfortunately, the fingerprints at the local police department "didn't take" either. (My wife and I decided that since my fingers leave unintelligible marks....I should have been a professional thief. I would have made much more money than from teaching!) Then, we arranged our "home study" which was actually a pleasant experience. Our social worker was so supportive and friendly. We met with her several times during the summer of 2006.

As things normally do, everything worked out. Holt sent our finalized dossier to China on November 10th, 2006. Since then, the waiting time for a referral has changed every time we have received an update. We were first told that it would be a 13-14 month wait. Then, it was 15 months. Then, it was 16-18. Next, it was 19-20. The next update that came was 20 months. As of the update we received today, it is now 21 months. This means that all of the paperwork that we did in the past will expire and we will have to go through the paperwork process again. We'll also have to have our "home study" updated.

I know that as I look back on all of this, it could all sound so overwhelming and stressful. It was and still is. However, I know that Mara and I have made the right choice. I believe with all my heart that God lead us to do this. We'll save a child from a life in an orphanage and in return...she'll save us with her smile.

Welcome To Our Journey

In the coming months, we invite you to go on this journey with us to adopt our daughter, Elisa. We affectionately call her "Baby E". We will be as candid and open as we possibly can in sharing not only the future obstacles and emotions, but also some of the hurdles we have crossed to get to this point.

Our hope is that we can share these experiences with not only our friends and family members, but those individuals who are either considering the adoption process or who already are immersed in it.

We thank you for visiting, and we invite you to contact us via our email address listed in our profile or by clicking on the "comments" icon. We are happy to read your reflections and answer your questions.